Tag Archives: Humour

Games, PlayStation

The Whites Are Coming!

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I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this one. There’s a huge palaver over a new billboard in Holland for the launch of the white PSP since it has a white, blonde-haired woman grabbing a black woman by the face while proclaiming that “White is Coming”. Hmm…

LocoRoco

Now I hate all this political correctness shite (I’ll happily laugh at jokes about white people, black people, men, women, religions, gingers, blondes, the French, etc) but surely an ad agency had to know that people were going to find that offensive?

That was probably the idea since there’s no such thing as bad publicity, but coming after the shock news that LocoRoco is an allegory for white flight, complete with what appear to be fanged Rastafarian minstrels trying to eat the poor oppressed white (yellow?) folks, does this mean we can expect to see Ken Kutaragi goose stepping across the stage at E3 2007? It would surely be less controversial than his showing this time.

As I often do, I’d like to thank UK Resistance for the usual biting analysis:

The key facts of the matter are this: It don’t matter if PSP is black or white. It’s still shit and hasn’t got any games.

Can’t argue with that…

Games, PlayStation, Xbox

Democracy In Action

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This made me laugh. The nominations for the 24th annual Golden Joystick awards are open and us gamers can show how democratic we are by voting for our favourite games of the year. The esteemed UK Resistance (militant Sega fanboys who still resent Sony – see here and here – for murdering the Dreamcast, for those who aren’t in the know) are calling for everyone to vote for 50 Cent: Bulletproof so that the developers have to go and collect their award and get publicly humiliated on TV.

Naturally this will also lead to nobody making any more stupid urban “gangsta” games, so we all win. Do it now.

Life

Why I Hate The Summer

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The summer isn’t all bad, of course. Girls wear fewer clothes (not a good thing in every case, admittedly) and from Friday we have the World Cup as an excuse to watch three football matches a day, but I can’t wait for autumn to roll around.

  1. Hayfever – I always know when summer’s here because I start uncontrollably sneezing and resisting the need to scratch my eyes out, and start to spend the next few months on pills. What’s more, the non-drowsy pills don’t really work on me anymore so I have to choose between being grumpy because I’m sneezing and my eyes are watering or grumpy because I’m drowsy. Great.
  2. No Games – Apparently during the summer some people like to go to this place called “outside” so we’re usually lucky to get one decent game every summer. I would have thought that no competition would have meant a great opening in the market to bring out at least a couple of big ones, but no…
  3. Too Damn Hot – Would you rather freeze to death or burn to death? I’d rather freeze, and hence I can’t handle it being 30-40 degrees every day. I don’t know how I’d survive somewhere where it was like that every day. More than likely I wouldn’t. Sunburn probably falls into this category as well.
  4. Kids – Children are like farts: you can’t stand anybody’s but your own. I get lulled into a false sense of security every summer since I finish in May and schools don’t kick out until the end of July, but until then I actually start to enjoy my time off. Then everyone decides to make my life as difficult as possible for a couple of months by – I’m sure – deliberately leaving their screaming and uncontrollable kids as close to me as possible.
  5. Holidaymakers – Around the same time that the kids start appearing my quiet little seaside town is invaded by caravans and holidaymakers who descend on the town centre with their usual asinine question (“why aren’t these drinks cold?”/”because you just watched me put them in the chiller ten seconds ago, retard”) shtick. Being right on the south coast, I’m also apparently required to speak every language in Europe so that tourists don’t act surprised when I don’t.

Rant over. When people say that global warming is going to cause another ice age I don’t see it as a bad thing. Humanity survived it more than once, right?

Games, Nintendo, Tech

MechaDS

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I came across these earlier and they just make me laugh. The standard DS looks pretty crappy now that its svelte little brother is available, so what better way is there for it to fight back than some mech armour for it? As mad as they are it looks pretty badass and you know it could kick the crap out of a DS Lite in a fight.

If you want more take a look at some contest designs here, all of which are fairly ludicrous apart from number 8 which looks like the designer couldn’t be bothered and just stuck a load of shit to it. Genius!

General

I Hate April Fool’s

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April 1st has to be the lamest day of the year. For every joke that’s remotely funny (this is where I’d link to one but I can’t find one) you get a thousand that aren’t, and much of the day is spent on your guard about everything you read and doubting the genuine stuff.

The first thing I saw when opening my browser was this from GameFAQs which will no doubt claim a few victims; Blizzard look to have gone as all-out as usual with their cool-if-it-was-true Wisp announcement; GameSpot reveal the ESRB’s new ASS rating (glad I didn’t misspell that); IGN’s isn’t that great (I really hope that one’s a joke); and if I read any more I’m going to scream. I’d bet that somehow someone somewhere is recycling the Lara Croft nude cheat, as well.

And no, this is not an April Fool’s joke. I really do hate it. Bring on April 2nd.

Whether you like this day or not though, check out the list of April Fool’s jokes from around the Internet and elsewhere over on Wikipedia. Seems pretty comprehensive and at least one of them made me chuckle.

General, Movies & TV

What The Hayes?

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I had to laugh at this. Isaac Hayes has quit his role as Chef in South Park because he objected to the “intolerance and bigotry toward religious beliefs” of the show.

That’s fair enough, but he didn’t have a problem with the jokes about Christians and Muslims, or the jokes at the expense of Kyle’s Judaism in pretty much every episode, but only decided to quit when the show inevitably turned its sights on his own religion, Scientology. With Tom Cruise’s well-publicised descent into madness continuing it was only a matter of time. Matt Stone put it best:

“[We] never heard a peep out of Isaac in any way until we did Scientology. He wants a different standard for religions other than his own, and to me, that is where intolerance and bigotry begin.”

Hypocrites can suck on my (white) chocolate salty balls.